A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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