Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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