Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
