who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
