one might say we're banned from that church
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
