I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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