On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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