I think I won the penis lottery.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
