This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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