She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
