Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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