I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
