Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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