Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
