also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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