i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
