I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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