I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
