the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
