Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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