U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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