Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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