Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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