I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
