I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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