I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
