can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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