we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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