wat bout pragnant strippers??
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
