She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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