It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
