Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
