Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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