Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
