She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.