I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.