I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back