Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
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There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high