No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
