My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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