I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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