I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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