i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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