You're a womanizer and a bitch.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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