Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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