O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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