i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
