hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize