she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
