Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
