from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
