Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
