i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
