I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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