Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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