Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
