He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
