the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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