3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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