his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We need to rekindle our bromance
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
