Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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