Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
