No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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