Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my poor anus
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
