I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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