I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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