taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
