I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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