Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
