Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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