We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
