Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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