he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
