Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
