these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
