I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
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Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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